There are a lot of people in this world who are just intolerant of children. Some will look at a child with distain after even the slightest misbehavior. Some people will even glare at children and their parents in expectation of those children acting up. These people may frankly be tired of children, but frankly I am getting tired of intolerant people. After all we all started out as children and all of us as children at one time or another acted up. It doesn't mean we had bad parents, it is because we were tired, or hungry, or just because we were children.
Earlier today I had one of those experiences that as a parent you just wish a hole would open up and swallow you. My 3 year old and I were at a grocery store, I won't give the name but it is a store where you bag your own groceries.
My 3 year old loves Thomas the Tank, he goes nuts when ever he sees him. This particular store happened to have some toys out in the middle of a highly visible area and before I even had a chance to distract my son his eyes zoomed in on a Thomas the Tank play set. Of course he wanted it, and I told him that he could not have it. Thankfully we were done shopping and I headed to the line. Just as I start unloading my groceries on to the counter, by son starts to scream his head off, crying and screaming "Thomas, Thomas, where is Thomas?" Nothing I did would console him. He continued to scream the whole time I was loading my groceries on the belt, while I was paying and while I was bagging my groceries. I tried everything I could think of to get him to stop without further making a fool out of myself. I finally just decided that the best thing I could do was just ignore him and just let him cry it out.
This whole thing was very embarrassing to me, as I am sure it is to any parent whose child acts up in public, but what bothered me even more is that people were staring, making faces, and someone even made a comment. Honestly does any body think that acting like that is helping anyone? They need to keep in mind that the parent is already embarrassed enough as it is, and rolling your eyes at them or staring at them is not going to help anything, it is not going to get the child to stop crying, it is only going to make what is already and embarrassing situation for that parent even more embarrassing.
It is not like I didn't try to stop the crying, I did. But let's face it the only thing that was going to get him to stop crying would have been to give in and get him the Thomas toy. If I had done that I would have created an even bigger and more permanent problem. My son has just hit the age where he needs to start learning that he can not get everything he wants, if that means that he has to shed a few tears, and throw a couple of temper tantrums to learn that lesson than that is what has to happen. So yes those people were annoyed by the crying for the 5 to 10 minutes that they were in hearing distance of the temper tantrum, but hopefully something good came out of it as far as my son is concerned, he simply can not have everything he wants, should I have spoiled my son and gotten him a toy just to keep him quiet for these intolerant people?
Don't get me wrong I can understand that some people may tired and cranky after working all day or what ever, but seriously how much of that persons life is a strange child's temper tantrum going to affect them.
These people stared at my son judging him as some kind of miserable brat, and I can assure you that this was the first time he has ever thrown such a fit in public, he is indeed normally a very good boy. They were also of course judging me as a mother, I must be a bad mother if my child is throwing a temper tantrum like that in public. They don't know me, I happen to be an excellent mother and I am not shy about saying that. My children are all happy and well adjusted. It is not fair to judge me or any parent and child by seeing 10 minutes out of that child's life.
So what do you do when a child is having a temper tantrum? There are constructive things that you can do to help with the situation instead of just contributing the embarrassment of the parent, by staring at them or rolling your eyes, or even worse making a comment.
You can help the parent. The lady behind me was actually very nice and knew that it was taking me a little longer to unload my cart because my child was acting up, instead of being rude and saying hurry up or making faces at me she actually helped me un-load my cart. This of course helped me get through the line quicker and helped get my screaming son out of the store faster, I think I thanked her about 5 times.
Another thing you can do is try talking to the child. Many times a child who is screaming crying might ignore the parents requests to be quiet but they will often stop and listen to someone else who is talking to them. One lady did actually come up and talk to my son in a friendly voice, he actually quieted down and listened to her for a minute. He then tried to tell her that he wanted Thomas, and calmed down for a moment, but the minute she walked away he started screaming again, but it did help for a minute. Some parents may not like this, so you may want to ask them first if it is OK if you try to talk to the child.
It is also very helpful if you smile at the mom and tell you under stand, that all parents go through this at one time or another. This can make the parent feel much better. Also saying it loudly enough that those who are staring and being judge mental can hear you.
Try to be human and understanding in these situations especially if the child is still relatively young, a 3 year old having a temper tantrum is not the same thing as a 6 year old throwing one, at 2 and 3 years of age children are just testing, and learning what their limits are and they don't always understand reasoning. Cut the parents some slack. Try to be helpful and not hurtful. Remember there is no such thing as a perfect child and if you have been, are, or will ever be a parent chances are this has or will happen to you. Try and treat that parent in a way that you would want to be treated in that same situation.
